Short But Sweet

 For the last six months, I have been busy taking care of a very cute pup, Winston, also known as Goku. He was nearly three months old when I had him. He’s so sweet and gorgeous boy. For the last six months he kept me company and tried his best to fill the void Toby left in my heart.

When it comes to dog tricks, he’s a fast learner. He knew how to sit, lie down, give his paw, high-five, and lately to stand on his two paws or up.

Just like his Kuya Toby he was also resource guarding me. He was a bit aggressive to other people and dogs when I am with him. But he’s a good boy to others when I am not around.

But fate decided to take a different twist. Maybe because he was a free-spirited little boy, he could not be contained inside the house. If he sees an opportunity to run free he would do it. He accidentally escaped and because the house is in the main road, my Goku did not make it.

My heart is torn again into many pieces. But, after I reflected, a thought hits me, from the first day I had Goku deep in my heart I felt he and Toby were one. 

It will be my 50th birthday next month, and only Toby knew what my heart desires. There was one time I told Toby my wish when I turn 50 is to see the world, and he knew this would only be a wishful thinking with him around. Toby knew I would not leave him with someone else or if I did I would always worry. 

Toby left after my 49th birthday, Goku left before my 50th. I think my gut feeling is right, Goku was Toby! He came back because he saw me in so much pain. Goku reassured me he is fine and he enjoys being free. Both of them wanted me to continue with my life and enjoy and fulfill all my dreams. 

I know someday I will see my two fur babies again. So from today and onwards, I promise my fur babies that Mummy will go on with my life, do the things I put on hold for them, and always be happy so that they won’t worry too much for me.

Have a blast in heaven my little Goku. Thank you for coming into my life. It maybe short but those six months were the sweetest.

Winston ~ 4th Feb 2025 - 9th Oct 2025

First of The Many to Come

 Last night, after 15 years, I was finally able to sleep again in the bedroom on a comfortable bed. Today, after 15 years, the first day of the many days to come without my beloved fur baby, Toby.

Toby was the first dog I personally took care of and looked after. He’s a Zuchon ~ Bichon x Zhi Shu. He’s very fluffy and so nice to cuddle. 

Toby doesn’t know any dog tricks. It took him seven years to master how to sit. But if you asked him “where is mummy” he will start looking for me or if he’s being carried and I am near him, he will extend his paw and tap my arms.

He also has an excellent sense of smell. This is one of the senses he hasn’t lost until his last minute with us. He knows where we keep his treats and if you placed it somewhere accessible to him, he’ll definitely steal it.

Toby also likes music. Most probably he acquired that passion from me. If he is restless at night, I will play some songs and he will go back to sleep.

I am happy that I have so many wonderful memories of my fur baby, and I will forever be keeping those memories of him in my heart. I told him yesterday, before he breathed his last breath, that I love him so much and no one can ever take his place in my heart.

My Toby, thank you for being such a wonderful fur baby. For being a good dog, son,  friend, companion, confidant. Thank you for taking good care and protecting me, daddy, your kuyas and ate. I know that no matter where you are, you will always be watching me and my family.

Run free now my Toby until we meet again.

16.10.2009 ~ 12.11.2024

Do What Makes You Happy

“Do what makes you happy” ~ A phrase I always hear in movies, at work, in public places and sometimes from people who are dear to me. But how easy is it to put this phrase into action?

When I was young doing things in a heartbeat was so easy. Often times I forget to carefully examine what will be the consequences of my actions. Everything was fine as long as it makes me happy.

As I grow older, especially when I became a mother, I become more cautious of my decisions and actions. I learned to prioritise the feelings of those people around me, most especially my loved ones. Over the years, the phrase “do what makes you happy” has changed to “choose what is right”.

Doing the right thing most of the time contradicts to what will make me happy. But at the end of the day, choosing what is right gives me peace of mind and in turn leads to infinite happiness. 

A Christening Prayer

 A good friend asked me to be her daughter’s godmother or “Ninang”  at her christening. Of course, I gladly accepted it. My friend also asked me to lead the opening prayer. I still said yes even though the thought of speaking in front of a crowd frightens me.

I admit that I was lost while thinking over what to say or how to begin the prayer. I am not a writer like my HS best friend or my daughter who has lots of ideas in her mind. Also, I want to write something special as this will be my first to write something for someone, and then say it in-front of many people.

Heavenly Father, we thank you for this beautiful day as we gather here to celebrate [name of the child]’s Christening. 

We thank you for bringing us together to witness the beginning of his/her journey to Christian life. We pray that you continue to bless and guide his/her parents {and siblings} in helping him/her become a God fearing and God loving person. We ask that you give them strength and patience in their journey as a family. 

We also pray for [name of the child]’s  Ninangs, Ninongs and everyone present here today that they may help his/her parents in bringing him/her up to be a good Christian and be a loving inspiration to others.

We thank you Lord for [names of parents] for sharing their joy and blessings to us through their son/daughter, [name of the child]. 

Lastly, we ask you Lord to bless the food that we are about to share. Bless the people who took time to prepare it and to serve it. May the meal and our celebration nourish our bodies and strengthen the bonds that unite us in love and faithful service. Amen.

To Trust Again

TRUST is one of the most important thing in every relationship, and this is also something that I do not freely give to others. In order for me to trust another person, he/she must earned it.

Once I gave my trust to a person, he/she must take good care of it. Because once broken, it is so hard to trust again. Honestly, I'm not sure if there will be another chance for me to trust that person again.

In His Time

I had the privilege today to witness a new spiritual journey of a friend. Her struggles and how she overcome it were so inspiring.  But the most beautiful part of her life story is how she found God amidst all the hardships she had been through.

True, life isn’t always jolly and bright. Sometimes if I will sum up the good and bad things I have experienced, the latter always outweighs the former. This is very sad to say but it is the truth. However, if we will open our heart and mind to God and lift up to Him all our worries, the yoke becomes light and easy to carry.

In God’s time He makes all things beautiful ❤️.

Practice the Pause

Do you sometimes wonder if what is happening in your life really meant to happen or merely a coincidence? I do...especially when my mind is clouded or if what I have to face is so unexpected.

In times when I do not understand things going on in my life I often resort to prayers and reflection. Most of the time it works but there are also times that I still feel so confused.

A friend once told me that if something is really meant for you it will happen even if you think it is impossible. But if it is not for you, no matter how easy you think you can achieve it, there will always be lots of obstacles. In times when you feel discourage or uneasy, this is the perfect time to practice the pause.

“When in doubt, pause. When angry, pause. When tired, pause. When stressed, pause. When disheartened, pause. And when you pause, pray.”